


Pivotal Moments in the Life of Tony Stark

by Finely Honed (jaqen_hgar)



Series: Imagine Tony & Bucky [70]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Arc Reactor Issues, Bucky Barnes Feels, Bucky Barnes Recovering, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Friends to Lovers, Hurt/Comfort, Jarvis (Iron Man movies) Feels, M/M, Mama Bear Bucky Barnes, Mother Hen Bucky Barnes, Sneaky Jarvis (Iron Man movies), Tony Stark Feels, Tony Stark Still Has Arc Reactor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-16
Updated: 2016-01-16
Packaged: 2018-05-14 07:20:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5734552
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaqen_hgar/pseuds/Finely%20Honed
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>
  <span class="small">Prompt: Okay so do you think I could get something to do with Bucky and Tony bonding over the arc reactor and the metal arm? Maybe edging into the realities of living with both?</span>
</p><p> </p><p>There was a tight smile to go with the tea, along with metallic fingers brushing against his own as he took hold of the mug. There was a stubborn child within his heart that resented the kindness of the gesture. He’d been working on disciplining his inner child though, because Bucky wasn’t going to stop doing nice things for him anytime soon, not by a long shot. Tony didn’t really want him to, anyway.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pivotal Moments in the Life of Tony Stark

**Author's Note:**

> **Full Prompt:** Okay so do you think I could get something to do with Bucky and Tony bonding over the arc reactor and the metal arm? Maybe edging into the realities of living with both? I mean Bucky’s arm was more or less torn off in the fall and was immediately followed by surgery and brain washing, and Tony had part of his sternum cut out in a meatball surgery, and that fucker sits deep. I’d imagine that some days they’d both hurt. And, I feel bad for asking but can you throw some Jarvis in there as well? Just him being a bro to both? Because I love him to bits and I’m in rotating between denial and rage at AoU…But you can choose what stage of the relationship to write this in. I have faith and all that.

These days, one look was all it took for Bucky to figure out he was feeling less than one hundred percent. Tony fluctuated on whether this was a good or bad thing. Today he was leaning toward good.

“Here,” and Bucky pressed a mug of strong tea into his hands.

There was a tight smile to go with the tea, along with metallic fingers brushing against his own as he took hold of the mug. There was a stubborn child within Tony’s heart that resented the kindness of the gesture. He’d been working on disciplining his inner child though, because Bucky wasn’t going to stop doing nice things for him anytime soon, not by a long shot. Tony didn’t really want him to, anyway.

See, his first instinct was to not accept the tea at all; just refuse to take hold of the mug and let it fall to the floor if Bucky let go. Second was to take the tea, but set it aside and make himself coffee instead. Third was to do some combination of the two, but with sarcastic remarks mixed in.

“Thanks,” he ultimately opted for.

The stupid thing was, Bucky smiled at him as if he’d heard the entire run down that’d taken place in Tony’s mind, and was proud that courteous acceptance had won out.

“Feels like I should go double or nothin’ here. Let me take you upstairs, baby you a bit.”

This was harder than the tea, mostly because Tony hated how much he wanted to say _yes_. Bucky watched him, the hope obvious in his eyes. Thing was, Tony knew he could say no and Bucky would nod and accept it and that’d be that. They’d be fine—legitimately fine—without a need for a follow up conversation on the topic of Tony’s issues, of which there were many.

So, out of habit he’d wanted to say no and suffer through socializing with the group while trying to pretend he was fine, until he couldn’t pull it off any longer and had to go off alone, wounded animal style.

“Yeah, okay.”

Bucky’s surprise was all in the blink, there and gone again on his face before he smiled all warm and sultry and let a hand rest low on Tony’s back. “Callin’ it a night, gang,” he said, snapping off a jaunty salute as he guided Tony through the common area. “See you in the morning.”

The elevator doors closed on a chorus of ‘goodnights’ before sealing them off. Bucky took the teacup from Tony’s hands, and began rubbing circles on his back. Tony smiled despite himself. Thanks to Bucky, as far as their friends were concerned, the two of them were heading off to debauch each other, which was much nicer than the reality of the thing.

“Nice diversionary tactics.”

“I know how you get,” Bucky chided, pressing a kiss to his temple before leading Tony back out of the elevator.

Scarily enough, he was speaking the truth. Stranger still, Tony found it exceptionally comforting.

+

It wasn’t always like that, though. Once upon a time, Bucky and Tony had lived in the same building along with a team of superheroes, and the only time they interacted with one another was immediately before, during, or after a mission. Tony had thought it was a pretty good way of doing things, until one night he realized it really, _really_ wasn’t working, and accidentally made a friend.

“Pardon the interruption, sir.” The volume on Black Sabbath’s _Solitude_ dipped down into the unacceptable levels as JARVIS hijacked the speakers. “It appears Sergeant Barnes is experiencing issues with his bionic limb, and requires your assistance.”

“Did he say _pretty please_ when he asked?”

Tony wasn’t trying to be a dick. In his defense, he was running on a sleep deficit and happened to be in the middle of some pretty sexy soldering. Also, in the not too distant past he’d pointed out that Bucky’s arm was overdue for service, only to have Steve’s bestie blow him off. Twice, actually, one of those times having been the day before.

JARVIS hesitated before answering. At least, Tony chose to interpret the momentary silence as hesitation. “I don’t believe he is in a position to do so,” JARVIS explained, and that right there meant he’d been ordered to do something he didn’t like, and was trying to find a sneaky way around the conflict. Tony loved his AI.

“Gotcha, J, picking up on your whole ‘fishy’ vibe. Where is he?”

The floorplans for the Tower flashed in the air before him, lit up to indicate Barnes was in one of the maintenance bays. Tony guessed that JARVIS had been ordered not to say where Barnes was, or what he was up to, but showing wasn’t _technically_ saying, now was it?

“On my way.”

“Faster would be better in this instance.”

Running into the maintenance bay to find a shaking, pale faced James Buchanan Barnes psyching himself up to attempt removing his own arm with a hydraulic cutter earned that particular night a spot on the list of Pivotal Moments in the Life of Tony Stark.

“JARVIS, cut the power,” Tony barked, wincing when Barnes hit him with a full on Winter Soldier glare. “Okay, let’s pretend I made a really witty play off of self abuse being another way to refer to masturbation and move on to why the hell you’re about to almost definitely kill yourself in my Tower?”

He’d expected a few different responses, none of which involved Bucky Barnes crying, but that’s what happened. He dropped the cutter and choked out some sounds meant to be words. Somewhere along the way, Tony figured out that Bucky had been having recurring night terrors involving HYDRA getting their hands back on him. In the nightmares, they’d tracked him through the arm somehow, and this coupled with phantom limb pain and Bucky doing everything within his power to avoid sleeping had resulted in the brilliant idea of cutting off his bionic arm.

Tony surprised himself, occasionally. If anyone had asked him how he would have reacted in that situation, chances were _call Steve_ would have come up in about six different ways. He didn’t call Steve, though, or anyone else. He brought Bucky down to the workshop, and ran scan after scan to reassure him he was tracker free. This was after finding a way to ‘reset’ the limb pain, of course. Tony was a lot of things, but he wasn’t a sadist.

“Pathetic,” Bucky grumbled under his breath.

He’d been doing all his grousing in Russian. The ‘pathetic’ utterance struck a chord, and Tony found himself turning the one-sided complaining into an actual conversation. “No, you’re not. _Absolutely_ not.”

Bucky seemed surprised that Tony had understood him.

“You’re not the only one in the Tower with regularly scheduled nightmares. And as far as your brain is concerned, the pain is real,” Tony clarified. “Your average person would have been on the floor screaming. Cut yourself some slack.”

Because life was exceptionally unfair, Tony found himself captivated at the naked appreciation and trust in Bucky’s red-rimmed, pale eyes. His lashes were clumped together from tears, his cheeks flushed and blotchy as the tears left behind on his skin dried. They held each other’s gaze as the moment stretched out, Tony confused to find himself relaxing into the silence. He’d never appreciated how handsome James Buchanan Barnes was until that precise moment.

“You talk like someone who knows something about pain.”

Tony watched a stray tear go completely unnoticed by Bucky, escaping as he blinked. It clung to his chin for quite some time, and that was unfair, too, because it made Tony want to brush it away with his thumb, or hug the man, or _something_.

He tried to tell himself it was only empathy, the spirit of good team dynamics, or a deep-seated desire to please Captain America that prompted him to pull up the visualization of the arc reactor in his chest. As the view rotated and expanded, Bucky whistled low between his teeth, which summed it up nicely.

+

JARVIS’s sneakiness worked in both directions, apparently, because the first time he had a respiratory flair up, Bucky suddenly made an appearance with hot tea.

“You know all the pretty shit you say about forgiving myself, and not being ashamed to ask for help? Might have an easier time buying it if you practiced what you preached.”

Tony opened his mouth to protest, but Bucky shook his head, did some manhandling so that Tony was in a more comfortable position, then started rubbing his shoulders while talking him through some controlled breathing.

“Used to do this for hours,” he murmured before telling Tony about long nights spent taking care of Steve Rogers. Bucky kept him warm, relaxed, and (most importantly) distracted.

If the whole nursemaid routine was good enough for Captain America, it would be ridiculous for Tony to act like he was too good for Bucky’s help. Right? Besides, the fussing was sweet, and the breathing exercises actually helped. Some of that might have been the prednisone Bruce gave him, but the rest was definitely all Bucky.

Aside from some uncomfortable conversations with doctors that were better classified as lectures, Bucky was the first person Tony willingly spoke with about the reality of having a huge magnet shoved into the middle of his chest. It wasn’t that he hadn’t trusted Pepper enough to be vulnerable around her, it was more that he’d come up with a bunch of flimsy excuses for why _not_ talking about what had happened was akin to protecting her somehow. Really, it was isolating, was yet another item on the list of things to ultimately drive a wedge between them.

He also hadn’t talked to her about being tortured, or the thoughts that had been running through his head as he sped through a wormhole on what he’d expected to be a one-way trip. When one night he opened his mouth and the words ‘cave’ and ‘Afghanistan’ and ‘car battery’ tripped out over his tongue and past his lips, Tony felt like he was falling all over again, was rushing toward blackness, only Bucky caught him before he could hit bottom.

Bucky had held his hand, had looked into his eyes unflinchingly, and Tony didn’t dare feel ashamed for a single thing that had happened to him. There was no pity, but there was empathy. A sense of solidarity, and unflinching acceptance. When Bucky said, “I know,” at one point while Tony allowed himself to cry for a change, he wasn’t being placating. He was telling the truth.

Bucky _knew_ and then some. Physical and psychological torture designed to facilitate the suppression of self, to better allow the brainwashing to take hold. Countless chemicals had been pumped into his system over the years. He’d had multiple surgeries performed before the arm functioned properly, and for more than one of them the anesthesia had been so hit or miss that he’d been awake through portions, strapped down and screaming.

None of that horror show even touched on the acts he’d been made to commit, or witness. And yes, they might not have been Bucky’s fault, but knowing that didn’t undo the experience of having been used by HYDRA. The memories were still his to deal with, and Tony could remember how alone he’d felt when he’d returned home from Afghanistan. If he was being honest, some of that loneliness had never gone away.

He was of the rather strong opinion that Bucky Barnes shouldn’t ever have to feel alone. It was the reason why, after that first night, he and Bucky had begun actually spending time together. It was why Bucky was right to call bullshit when Tony tried to hide the fact that his chest was bothering him.

Thankfully, Tony had gained enough perspective post-Pepper to realize that a lot of the shit he did in an attempt to shield himself from emotional fallout wound up having the opposite result. It was like planting landmines in his relationships, then forgetting where they’d all wound up. He was kind of sick of having his metaphorical legs blown off, which is why he gave the right answer when JARVIS once again stuck his digital nose into things.

“Sir, it occurs to me that several of your protocols are out of date. Perhaps Sergeant Barnes would make an acceptable substitution for Ms. Potts? Purely because of proximity and availability, of course.”

Tony took it as a sign of approval and encouragement, and promptly got the fuck out of his own way.

“Yeah, sure, why not?”

+

Bucky had a good laugh. He’d started using it more after they began spending most of their free time together, which meant Tony had to begin cataloging them all. Each iteration was better than the last.

So Bucky laughed, his shoulder brushing against Tony’s own, and he opened his mouth, and  apropos of nothing blurted, “Hey, that’s a new one.”

Bucky’s giggle trailed off as he blinked slow, lips still curled in a smile. Tony smiled back, momentarily captivated by the way the black smudges around Bucky’s eyes made them seem even paler than usual. Some of his long hair was sticking to his forehead and neck, face smudged with dirt and soot. He smelled like smoke, which wasn’t surprising since Tony had lost track of everything Bucky had blown up that evening. It made Tony’s mouth dry, made his fingers itch to reach out and touch.

Tony had no intention of clarifying his remark, had been sort of hoping it’d get lost in the noise of post-battle babble, but Steve had definitely heard it. He had an eyebrow arched and was looking between Bucky and Tony, which meant Tony was doing his very best to look innocent for Captain America right before Bucky took him by the chin, gently turned his head to the side, and kissed him.

Tony was two seconds from full on panic, which was when Bucky kissed him again, slowly. Tenderly. His thumbs brushed over Tony’s cheeks, and he kept his hooded eyes open, which meant Tony could see how serious he was. The panic fizzled out, washed away by relief, and joy, and desire. Kissing him back was a lot like falling from a great height—exhilarating, terrifying, and life affirming.

Not surprisingly, that particular kiss with Bucky also made the list of Pivotal Moments in the Life of Tony Stark.

+

Nothing was perfect. They argued, like any couple. He was still a handful, and Bucky wasn’t ever going to stop following Steve right into the heart of danger. The big difference was, for the first time ever, Tony could actually enjoy bickering without fear. The shit they fought over was easily resolved and mostly ended with Bucky’s mouth against his own, kissing him senseless whilst simultaneously attempting to get in the last word, because he was an asshole like that.

Their arguments never left him feeling like it was only a matter of time before he was alone again. Pepper had needed him to become someone he wasn’t, and trying to change so drastically for her had only torn them apart in the end. He’d known all along that the change was unsustainable, but he hadn’t been able to be honest about that, because the idea of a life without Pepper was awful. Thankfully, he’d been able to keep her as a friend.

All of that was before Bucky, which was how time worked in his mind now. Everything was either before or after. Thinking back on _before Bucky_ days often left Tony with a cold, unsettled feeling in his chest. A few changes here and there in the timeline, and they’d have never found themselves in the place they currently shared.

Tony could recognize he overthought situations, but it was still refreshing how seriously Bucky took him one evening when he went on a rant about time travel. Tony pointed out instance after instance where their lives would have been drastically altered, thus preventing them from meeting, let alone winding up in a relationship with each other.

“There are so many little pivotal moments, Buck,” he’d said eventually, hating how scared he sounded. “And we usually have no idea they’re important until it’s too late.”

What he was really saying was that the idea of losing Bucky—or never even having had the chance to lose him—was _terrifying_. He couldn’t find a way to put it into words, but Bucky did it for him by pulling Tony into his arms, and holding him tight, and saying, “I love you too, Tony,” against his ear.

“Fuck, yes, _that’s_ what I meant,” Tony gasped, somewhat blindsided by the realization.

Apparently being in love was a very different thing when you were doing it with the right person.

+

“Some day you’ll get bored with me,” Tony said, sipping his tea.

“Won’t ever happen.”

“Okay, I’ll do something stupid, which will make you realize you made a horrible mistake getting involved with me.”

“Like rambling about nonexistent problems when you should be focusing on your breathing?” Bucky interrupted. “We came up here so you could relax, remember?”

“Yeah.” Tony stared down into his mug. “Buck. One of us will die, eventually, and—”

Bucky took his hand, held it. Squeezed tight. “All the more reason to appreciate the time we _do_ have.” He waited until Tony met his eyes, then said, “I know how you get,” for the second time that evening. “What’s this really about?”

Because he did things backwards sometimes, Tony actually wasn’t sure what it was about until he opened his mouth and answered honestly. “I want to marry you.”

Before he could point out the insanity in the idea, Bucky smiled at him, kissed his palm. “Yeah, okay. I like the sound of that.”

“Shouldn’t we maybe try living together first, or—”

Bucky laughed at him. “We already do, Tony, except sometimes we do it on my floor instead of up here.”

Which was true, actually. They slept together, ate together, worked together, played together, fought alien hordes together. The press knew all about them, not that they’d tried particularly hard to keep it under wraps once Pepper was brought up to speed.

Despite feeling like the hunk of metal sitting in his chest was twice as large as normal, Tony was having trouble keeping the giddiness at bay. “So you’ll marry me?”

“Said yes didn’t I?”

Bucky kissed him, then managed to get Tony to shut up and worry about breathing. They’d celebrate properly in a day or two, when he was feeling better, but sitting in bed with the man he loved, drinking a cup of tea while making wedding plans on a tablet was right up there on the list of Pivotal Moments in the Life of Tony Stark.

**Author's Note:**

> Working on the posting backlog! :D


End file.
